Emotions: Watching and Responding Rather than Reacting

Sometimes, we need to get broken down in order to recognize the need for a rebuild. Sometimes, things have to get just beyond the level we can tolerate in order for us to burst forth with change.

I practice respecting my emotions. Especially the darker ones that make me feel down, fearful, isolated or worthless. I recognize that they are just emotions and that I don't have to respond to them. Rather, I can watch them, talk to them, ask them questions, poke them with words, mindfully escape from them, and ultimately wait to hear what they are teaching me. Sometimes, I see pretty clearly what they are teaching and that brings up new fears. "Really?" I think, "You want me to look at that!?! How uncomfortable!"

It is the ego within us that resists change, because change is uncomfortable for the ego. The ego likes to run the show, be the know-it-all. It is the part of us that lives for applause, seeks to be validated from the outside, and greedily shouts "I AM!" When my fears bring up the discomforts of the ego, I can easily get caught in victim mode -- that place where I can see where everyone else needs to change except me.

As you can imagine, this isn't a very powerful position, thus the term "victim." It creates the illusion of safety; a safe place for the ego. If I am the victim, then I've done nothing wrong and don't need to change. I am the acted upon, the objectified, the passive. While this position stokes the ego, it keeps us stuck in the same pattern.

When we come up against a wall in our life, when we finally get pushed to the corner, when we have been criticized, marginalized, judged, energetically attacked, when we have accommodated the last recognized part of our soul in order to serve someone else -- that is obvious signal that something needs to change. That is when we need to look at our situation and courageously ask, "What is my part in this? Where in this sea of discomfort, ridicule and pain have I had a hand in its creation? What part of me is choosing this reality?"

Those are super scary questions. I know. My ego really likes me to be right. The ego says, "If you're wrong about this then there's something fundamentally wrong with you!" The ego gives us no space to be wrong. Luckily, we are not our ego. It just belongs to us. We are energetic beings filled with a Divine spark of consciousness. It is this space within us that gives us space for all that is. In this space, it is not that things are right or wrong, just that there are actions and consequences.

I got a little beaten down last week. I shined my light in places it wasn't welcome, and received a bit of an energetic and emotional beating. My sensitive friends, I'm sure you understand. It feels terrible.

It was difficult for me. I cried. I placed blame. I shouted insults into the air. I retreated into myself, into the bathtub, into a glass of wine, into a chocolate bar. The next morning, I went to a yoga class where we worked on mobilizing the sacroiliac joint -- the place in my body where there's already too much mobility and where I constantly work on providing stability. Throughout the class, I kept thinking, "This is terrible! This hurts! This isn't what I want or need at all!" Until I suddenly recognized: This is my favorite yoga class. With an instructor I really like. Which I'm practicing with a healthy body. My thoughts are ruining this for me.

I came home and started watching my thoughts, my emotions, and my reactions to them. My analyzer really wanted me to formulate "A Plan." A plan that would get me out of the situations that caused persistent pain and punishment energy. To get out of that situation at any cost and move on. Which has been the answer for me in the past. But something about that didn't feel right. And so I kept watching.

I watched, I exchanged readings with a friend, I started a few books I'd ordered to start shifting my perspective in a few key ways. And I realized that as bad as my negative situation was, I had created it and in some ways, I controlled the ways in which the negative energy affected me. Leave now, and I was doomed to repeat this lesson because I needed this lesson. I recognizes that I need to learn how to more fully fine-tune my protection tools, to allow my inner smile to shine through with my inner light, no matter who I'm on contact with.

So I've created a shift for myself in the form of a 40 day plan. I have 40 days to consistently and mindfully practice a tool that I've had but not fully utilized. Forty days to re-establish Ayurvedic routines that I lost when I let down my protection. Forty days to practice shifting my perspective on abundance and prosperity. Forty days to learn the lessons that I planned for myself to learn so that I don't have to learn them again when I move on.

Ayurvedic medicine is just one of the sources that claims that it takes 40 days to form a habit, or to reprogram our consciousness for the better. It's day two for me currently, and I'm excited to keep on it!

It's so important for us highly sensitive folks, us empaths, us easily anxious or worried, to take extra care of our bodies and minds. To learn to watch our emotions rather than reacting immediately. To nourish our nervous systems with luxurious routines laced with self-love and self-care. To learn to protect our sensitive bodies from the moods, emotions, criticisms and energetic attacks of others. When we fail to do this, we can create a situation where we don't even trust our own bodies or our own emotions, because they are always betraying us.

But when we practice self-love, self-care, protection, healthy boundaries and responding rather than reacting to our emotions, we create a safe, nourishing place for our sensitive bodies and spirits to ground, to retreat and to enjoy so that we can more readily offer our sensitive gifts to the world.

Psychic Myths Debunked

This week, Hay House Radio is hosting a "Best of Hay House World Summit." That basically means that they've taken some of their best authors, brought them together to have conversations about a wide variety of spiritual topics, and are broadcasting these talks all week long, for free. (If you're into all things spiritual and you're not sure what Hay House is, please check them out). On Sunday, I listened to a great talk between John Edward and John Holland, two well known psychic mediums, about psychic fact or fiction. The things they talked about are such common misconceptions about the work that I and other psychics do that I wanted to share some of their thoughts along with my own.

First, a little clarification of terms. Most of you notice that I don't use the term "psychic"very often to describe the work I do. This is because I feel like this term carries a lot of negative connotations. Psychics have long been cast as scary witches, crazy people, and those who have lost touch with reality. And, frankly, there are a lot of fakes out there who use the term to wield a false sense of power. The only place I use the term psychic in my business is when I'm speaking directly to that audience. Today, I'll be using that term a lot, so let me define it.

A psychic is simply someone who makes use of their innate intuitive abilities, which usually include a mixture of clairvoyant (ability to intuitively see pictures of information), clairaudient (ability to hear information), and clairsentient or empathic (the ability to feel information) abilities. As a move through this post, I'll try my best to explain some of the myths out there about psychics and provide the truth as I understand it.

Some people call themselves psychic. Others call themselves a medium. Others still use the term psychic medium. A medium is different from a psychic, and is a person who speaks to those who have passed over to the other side. Psychics can be mediums and vice versa. The difference is that, while some psychics can gain snippets of information from loved ones who appear during readings, they don't usually have the ability to have full conversations with passed spirits. In the interview I listened to, John Holland stated that he believed that mediums were born and not trained. After receiving much psychic training, I would tentatively say that I agree with him.

I am a psychic, not a medium. In my readings, I sometimes receive small pieces of information from passed loved ones, always in the context of what I'm reading, as if they want to add something. But I don't often see or communicate with the dead.

This leads me to Psychic Myth Number 1: Only some people are psychic

Everyone is intuitive, or psychic. Just like any other ability, you have to train and practice in order to develop it. And just like some people are naturally better at sports or writing than others, some people will naturally be better developing their psychic abilities. Just because I'm not naturally good at tennis (and I'm not, trust me), doesn't mean that I can't play. It will take me more training and practice to become a pro, but if I love it, I can get there.

Everyone has the ability to "listen to their gut," or "trust their inner voice." Doing this is following your intuition or being psychic. The first psychic skills you learn to develop are those that tell you more about yourself, your anatomy as a spirit, and the tools and concepts needed to navigate the intuitive realm.

That being said, if you want to develop your intuitive skills, it's really important that you choose a method that supplies you with tools to navigate the psychic world. I've been sharing some of the tools I use in readings because they are central to the work I do. When a surgical student starts medical school, they aren't handed a scalpel and told to start cutting someone else. Instead, they're taken through years of learning about physical anatomy, pathology, and how the body works. Then they practice, practice, practice, before they start performing surgery on others. It's the same with psychic skills. You first must learn to ground yourself in the knowledge of spiritual anatomy before you start learning to work with others.

I've really enjoyed learning through several psychic schools that share similar teaching principles -- the Berkeley Psychic Institute, Spirit is Calling and, locally in Seattle, Psychic Awakenings. All have beginner meditation classes and workshops for beginners to start to play with your intuitive skills. But just like there are several medical schools or sports programs, these aren't the only schools out there. Like anything else, do some research and see what resonates with you.

Psychic Myth Number 2: Psychics are Always "On"

Just because you play tennis for a living doesn't mean you carry your racket with you into a restaurant, right? Similarly, just because I conduct intuitive sessions for a living doesn't mean that I'm reading you intuitively while we're out for coffee. I'm not.

Keeping with my tennis analogy -- when you're on the court, there's a lot you have to field. You have to estimate where your opponent might hit the ball, what kind of spin there is, where your shot should land, how tired you are, etc. It's exhausting work! Good thing you can walk off the court when the game is done!

As a psychic, when I'm in a reading, I have to be aware not only of the energy of the person I'm reading, but of my energy -- I need to keep my emotional and survival energy low, I need to stay grounded and keep the readee grounded. I need to keep the reading space free and clear of outside energy. I have to shield myself from outside energy and the energy of the readee so that I'm not not "taking on" their energy or being influenced by it. This can become exhausting, too! Just like any other profession, we have the ability to turn off the psychic screen when we're finished with our reading.

Also, reading people without their permission is psychic attack. Just like a tennis pro wouldn't go around hitting people with tennis balls to try and get them to play, an ethical psychic won't go around reading people without their permission. On the show "Long Island Medium," Theresa Caputo regularly goes up to people on the street and tells them what their loved ones are communicating to her. The show always shows these happy, sappy responses that probably are heart felt. While I enjoy her show, I think that style of "attack reading" is unethical.

So next time we're having coffee, remember that I may be picking up information about my surroundings intuitively. Intuition and spirituality is the lens through which I see the world. So I may notice that the barista is hiding some greif, or that I feel uncomfortable by the couple arguing silently in the corner because my sensitive shell picks that up. I may notice that you feel aggravated or joyful or whatever it is that you're feeling. But I'm not reading your thoughts or trying to pick up more than I need to in that moment. That would be truly exhausting.

Psychic Myth Number 3: Psychics Read Your Mind

Psychics do not read minds. They read energy. Psychics have the ability to read your energy field as it is currently. If your energy changes, which it does constantly, a psychic can read that, too. Sometimes, your energy field is projecting a question that you've been throwing around in your mind. I remember once during a reading, I looked at the third chakra of my client and inside was a big question mark and the word, "ego." I said, "It looks like you have questions about the ego." She replied, "Oh my god, I've been thinking about that all night!" So it may have seemed like I read her thoughts, but I really just read her energy, which at the time was a reflection of her thoughts.

Psychic Myth Number 4: Psychics Predict the Future 

.....in movies. They predict the future in movies with a crystal ball. But like I just stated above, psychics have the ability to look your energy as it exists now. It's like John Holland said on Hay House Radio, that psychics have the ability to tell you about the highway you've been on, the twists and turns you've taken to get there, and which exits are available to you. I would add that, in times of transition, I can help you look at the energy of those "exits" to see what challenges or opportunities each would present. But we all have free-will -- you ultimately choose your own destiny.

A bit more about predicting the future -- there are a lot of psychics out there today who claim to know future events. Many of these psychics use the help of spirits that they channel into their bodies. I call these psychics "Transmediums," as they are inviting the spirit of another being into their body and then gathering information. While I believe that transmediumship can be a valid form of gathering information, it is a skill that takes a lot of practice and a very solid foundation in psychic skills in order to stay protected and receive valid information. I tend to take channeled information with a grain of salt, especially as it pertains to future events, but you are always free to make your own decisions about such information.

Our current reality is based on our thoughts, feelings and perceptions -- our energy. I've described before my thoughts on fate and destiny -- your fate is the deck of cards you are dealt. Your destiny is how you play your cards. Similarly, the current state of humanity and our world is based on the overall energy of humans at this point in time. Thus, our future is changeable and predicting it is like trying to throw a lasso around the wind. The more we each work with our energy to create the reality we want for ourselves and for our world, the more that future worldly events will reflect that.

Psychic Myth Number 5: All Psychics Want To Be Famous!

There is a certain power to any profession. We live in a culture that values fame, fortune and power. Being psychic, or being in any field that claims to "have answers," tends to attract a lot of attention from others. Some attention is good, other attention is not so good. People today want answers. They want reassurance and validation of their choices and their existence. What you'll find in a true psychic reading are simply the answers that are inside of you. In a true psychic reading, the psychic reads just your energy field and the answers you have displayed there. They do not tell you what you should do or judge you for past mistakes. They objectively show you what IS, and let you decide what to do.

I "came out of the psychic closet" in order to help people. Understanding my energy field has been a tremendous help in understanding my world and my relation to my world. It's been a gift in my life that I want to share with others. I have always been drawn to intuitive arts, and how the health of the energy body reflects in our physical body more than any other thing I've done or studied. This field of self inquiry has been a gift in my life and I simply want to share it with you.

The more I put myself out there and gain new clients, the more energy I have to be able to handle. I am a highly sensitive person, which allows me to do the intuitive work I do so naturally. However, it's a double-edged sword. As I grow into a bigger business, my ability to handle the attention, admiration, questions, concerns, resentment, jealousy and any other energy thrown at me by my clients must grow as well. It requires a lot of personal work, skill growth and meditation for me to keep up with it. Most psychics I know feel the same.

With any amount of power comes responsibility. A responsible psychic is not one who wishes to be famous, but rather to help people. Helping people at a psychic level requires that the psychic be grounded firmly in their own practice of skills and knowledge, and that they monitor their level of business growth equal to the amount of energy they can handle.

Psychic Myth #6: All Psychics Are Fakes and Shouldn't be Trusted

There is a lot of pressure in our culture to laugh at any information that doesn't have a firm foundation in science. However, science itself is simply a belief system. I am a scientist -- and I have two advanced degrees to prove it. But I firmly believe that there are other ways of knowing and understanding the world.

Some psychics are fakes. And unlike tennis pros, it can be harder to tell if a psychic is faking. Trust your gut. If the psychic is playing on your fears rather than reading your whole energy, asking general questions to gain answers, or claiming they see your future clearly, they're probably a fake. If they've done no training and have no skill set or qualifications, they may either be a fake or an amateur without proper training. We all get to have our own thoughts, feelings and opinions about the world. Let your inner voice guidance tell you what is real and truth for you.

Please let me know if you have any questions about this topic or the spiritual world in general. I will answer to the best of my abilities. Like anyone, I am still learning and I do not have anywhere near all the answers! I am having fun on my own journey and through the process of helping others. Thanks for reading.