Tool #4: The First Essential Step to Healing: Havingness

As we start to move into the holiday season, we often start to think of all the things we're asked to give. Give thanks, give presents, give time, give energy, give give give give give. Don't get me wrong, giving is great! When done in the right attitude, it helps us cultivate gratitude, which helps us find more contentment and ultimately, joy.

The work I do is mainly with highly sensitive people. Those of us who are sensitive know how to give -- it's part of our nature. Being sensitive often means that you're very aware of the emotions of others and often feel uncomfortable around negative energy. Because the sensitive body is so affected by the energy of others, sensitive individuals often avoid conflict in order to shield themselves from energy onslaught. Often times, this creates a sensitive person who has learned to give or accommodate under almost any circumstances.

But one thing that these clients often lack is the ability to receive and to own something simply in order to have it for themselves. Instead, everything they allow themselves to receive is because it will somehow benefit someone other then themselves. They feel a tremendous amount of guilt when it comes to having something that is just their own, a secret jewel just for them, just because. In healing, we have to be able to HAVE and receive healing in order for us to heal.

Sounds simple, right?

For so many of us, we practice giving on a daily basis -- that is, giving to others. What we don't do is practice giving love, affection, or attention to ourselves. One of the primary reasons I see clients struggle with healing is a failure to allow themselves to have it. This often manifests as an underlying belief in their deservedness to have or to receive.

What if we were all allowed to have everything we wanted, as long as the desire was manifested in our hearts and fed by Source energy? Guess what, we do! Our deepest desires and fears are reflected to us in our reality. The spirit knows it can have whatever it needs to learn and grow, plus the things it wants to keep the body comfortable while achieving growth. But so often, our bodies and minds have been programmed into believing that we have to be deserving of something in order for us to have it.

The spirit world doesn't work that way. It is human to say that something is right or wrong, good or bad, or that someone is deserving or undeserving. The spirit world doesn't see good or bad, right or wrong, it just sees what is. I'm sure we can all think of someone who is a total schmuck who has everything they want. That person may have a sketchy moral character, but they also have high havingness.

Havingness = our ability to have.

Think about how much you really let yourself have. I know that in my life, I have high havingness in learning experiences, good cars, keeping good friends and living in beautiful places, to name a few. Where I'm constantly working on my havingness is in my ability to receive and believe praise and in my finances.

Our level of havingness affects our health and healing, too. If you've been struggling with your health, take a moment to check in with yourself and notice how much you're able to let yourself have healing. Be honest with yourself. I check in using a psychic tool and visualize a gauge out in front of me, but you can also simply ask yourself how much you let yourself have your healing and trust the first answer you get. Maybe it says, "40%." Ouch, but you can work with that and raise it up.

In a reading, I can help you look at your havingness and help you discover what is keeping you from having your health and healing. From my experience from working with clients, I find that it often comes from a feeling of not being deserving, not being good enough, not knowing who you would be as a healthy person and being afraid to find out, being afraid of losing the attention that being ill attracts, and believing that you are a victim of your own body.

You are none of those things. You are an infinitely creative spirit in a body that you created.

Our body puts out signals to alert us that something is wrong. In order to fix it, we first need to tune in and try to figure out what our body needs from us. Next, we need to seek a treatment that resonates with us. We also need to identify and release the energy, belief systems or programs that made us ill in the first place. But in order to all of that, we must first believe that we can have our health and healing. We must first believe that we truly own our bodies.

How do we create havingness? Raising our havingness is a practice that involves understanding that we are inherently deserving of having the life and health that we desire and that when our health is off, it is our choice whether to stay a victim or take action. Taking action means more than going through the motions of healing -- it means digging deep and noticing whether there are beliefs you have about yourself that need to change and then making a commitment to changing those no matter how uncomfortable or ego-compromising it is.

When I notice my havingness is low for a particular area in my life, there are two ways I deal with it. First, I ask myself why my havingness might be low. Usually, I notice it's because it deals with an area of my life that I'm not completely comfortable in, have been hurt in, or haven't wanted to look at. Next, I ask myself, "What's my first step to raising havingness?" Usually, my body asks me to release an old belief I have. As I work on releasing it, I replace it with a positive, concrete affirmation. For example, if I have low havingness about finances and my spirit tells me it's because my belief says that making money isn't spiritual, I might use the affirmation, "When I prosper in my divinely-inspired mission, the world prospers with me."

There is a psychic tool for increasing havingness that's a bit more simple if you have a regular meditation practice. After grounding and calling back your energy, you can imagine a bubble out in front of you. In the bubble, as a gauge to appear with your level of havingness. Notice the number. Now ground your gauge to the center of the planet and allow the grounding chord to release from the gauge any energy that's not allowing you to have what you want/need. See the energy move to the center of the planet. You may be able to identify it, but you don't have to. Watch your gauge, it may have moved upward. If not, take your psychic finger and move it up to 100%.

Sounds easy, right? It is!

Well, it is unless you're not ready to release the reasons keeping you from having your healing.

Havingness is also about ownership. It's about coming to the realization that this body was giving to YOU and YOU alone. The only thing that holds you prisoner in your own body is you. Once you realize that you create your prison or oasis you can take ownership of your creation and begin to create your own healing path -- no matter how many times you've been hurt by others, used by others, given to others, your healing path can be no one's but yours. Own it!

Psychic Myths Debunked

This week, Hay House Radio is hosting a "Best of Hay House World Summit." That basically means that they've taken some of their best authors, brought them together to have conversations about a wide variety of spiritual topics, and are broadcasting these talks all week long, for free. (If you're into all things spiritual and you're not sure what Hay House is, please check them out). On Sunday, I listened to a great talk between John Edward and John Holland, two well known psychic mediums, about psychic fact or fiction. The things they talked about are such common misconceptions about the work that I and other psychics do that I wanted to share some of their thoughts along with my own.

First, a little clarification of terms. Most of you notice that I don't use the term "psychic"very often to describe the work I do. This is because I feel like this term carries a lot of negative connotations. Psychics have long been cast as scary witches, crazy people, and those who have lost touch with reality. And, frankly, there are a lot of fakes out there who use the term to wield a false sense of power. The only place I use the term psychic in my business is when I'm speaking directly to that audience. Today, I'll be using that term a lot, so let me define it.

A psychic is simply someone who makes use of their innate intuitive abilities, which usually include a mixture of clairvoyant (ability to intuitively see pictures of information), clairaudient (ability to hear information), and clairsentient or empathic (the ability to feel information) abilities. As a move through this post, I'll try my best to explain some of the myths out there about psychics and provide the truth as I understand it.

Some people call themselves psychic. Others call themselves a medium. Others still use the term psychic medium. A medium is different from a psychic, and is a person who speaks to those who have passed over to the other side. Psychics can be mediums and vice versa. The difference is that, while some psychics can gain snippets of information from loved ones who appear during readings, they don't usually have the ability to have full conversations with passed spirits. In the interview I listened to, John Holland stated that he believed that mediums were born and not trained. After receiving much psychic training, I would tentatively say that I agree with him.

I am a psychic, not a medium. In my readings, I sometimes receive small pieces of information from passed loved ones, always in the context of what I'm reading, as if they want to add something. But I don't often see or communicate with the dead.

This leads me to Psychic Myth Number 1: Only some people are psychic

Everyone is intuitive, or psychic. Just like any other ability, you have to train and practice in order to develop it. And just like some people are naturally better at sports or writing than others, some people will naturally be better developing their psychic abilities. Just because I'm not naturally good at tennis (and I'm not, trust me), doesn't mean that I can't play. It will take me more training and practice to become a pro, but if I love it, I can get there.

Everyone has the ability to "listen to their gut," or "trust their inner voice." Doing this is following your intuition or being psychic. The first psychic skills you learn to develop are those that tell you more about yourself, your anatomy as a spirit, and the tools and concepts needed to navigate the intuitive realm.

That being said, if you want to develop your intuitive skills, it's really important that you choose a method that supplies you with tools to navigate the psychic world. I've been sharing some of the tools I use in readings because they are central to the work I do. When a surgical student starts medical school, they aren't handed a scalpel and told to start cutting someone else. Instead, they're taken through years of learning about physical anatomy, pathology, and how the body works. Then they practice, practice, practice, before they start performing surgery on others. It's the same with psychic skills. You first must learn to ground yourself in the knowledge of spiritual anatomy before you start learning to work with others.

I've really enjoyed learning through several psychic schools that share similar teaching principles -- the Berkeley Psychic Institute, Spirit is Calling and, locally in Seattle, Psychic Awakenings. All have beginner meditation classes and workshops for beginners to start to play with your intuitive skills. But just like there are several medical schools or sports programs, these aren't the only schools out there. Like anything else, do some research and see what resonates with you.

Psychic Myth Number 2: Psychics are Always "On"

Just because you play tennis for a living doesn't mean you carry your racket with you into a restaurant, right? Similarly, just because I conduct intuitive sessions for a living doesn't mean that I'm reading you intuitively while we're out for coffee. I'm not.

Keeping with my tennis analogy -- when you're on the court, there's a lot you have to field. You have to estimate where your opponent might hit the ball, what kind of spin there is, where your shot should land, how tired you are, etc. It's exhausting work! Good thing you can walk off the court when the game is done!

As a psychic, when I'm in a reading, I have to be aware not only of the energy of the person I'm reading, but of my energy -- I need to keep my emotional and survival energy low, I need to stay grounded and keep the readee grounded. I need to keep the reading space free and clear of outside energy. I have to shield myself from outside energy and the energy of the readee so that I'm not not "taking on" their energy or being influenced by it. This can become exhausting, too! Just like any other profession, we have the ability to turn off the psychic screen when we're finished with our reading.

Also, reading people without their permission is psychic attack. Just like a tennis pro wouldn't go around hitting people with tennis balls to try and get them to play, an ethical psychic won't go around reading people without their permission. On the show "Long Island Medium," Theresa Caputo regularly goes up to people on the street and tells them what their loved ones are communicating to her. The show always shows these happy, sappy responses that probably are heart felt. While I enjoy her show, I think that style of "attack reading" is unethical.

So next time we're having coffee, remember that I may be picking up information about my surroundings intuitively. Intuition and spirituality is the lens through which I see the world. So I may notice that the barista is hiding some greif, or that I feel uncomfortable by the couple arguing silently in the corner because my sensitive shell picks that up. I may notice that you feel aggravated or joyful or whatever it is that you're feeling. But I'm not reading your thoughts or trying to pick up more than I need to in that moment. That would be truly exhausting.

Psychic Myth Number 3: Psychics Read Your Mind

Psychics do not read minds. They read energy. Psychics have the ability to read your energy field as it is currently. If your energy changes, which it does constantly, a psychic can read that, too. Sometimes, your energy field is projecting a question that you've been throwing around in your mind. I remember once during a reading, I looked at the third chakra of my client and inside was a big question mark and the word, "ego." I said, "It looks like you have questions about the ego." She replied, "Oh my god, I've been thinking about that all night!" So it may have seemed like I read her thoughts, but I really just read her energy, which at the time was a reflection of her thoughts.

Psychic Myth Number 4: Psychics Predict the Future 

.....in movies. They predict the future in movies with a crystal ball. But like I just stated above, psychics have the ability to look your energy as it exists now. It's like John Holland said on Hay House Radio, that psychics have the ability to tell you about the highway you've been on, the twists and turns you've taken to get there, and which exits are available to you. I would add that, in times of transition, I can help you look at the energy of those "exits" to see what challenges or opportunities each would present. But we all have free-will -- you ultimately choose your own destiny.

A bit more about predicting the future -- there are a lot of psychics out there today who claim to know future events. Many of these psychics use the help of spirits that they channel into their bodies. I call these psychics "Transmediums," as they are inviting the spirit of another being into their body and then gathering information. While I believe that transmediumship can be a valid form of gathering information, it is a skill that takes a lot of practice and a very solid foundation in psychic skills in order to stay protected and receive valid information. I tend to take channeled information with a grain of salt, especially as it pertains to future events, but you are always free to make your own decisions about such information.

Our current reality is based on our thoughts, feelings and perceptions -- our energy. I've described before my thoughts on fate and destiny -- your fate is the deck of cards you are dealt. Your destiny is how you play your cards. Similarly, the current state of humanity and our world is based on the overall energy of humans at this point in time. Thus, our future is changeable and predicting it is like trying to throw a lasso around the wind. The more we each work with our energy to create the reality we want for ourselves and for our world, the more that future worldly events will reflect that.

Psychic Myth Number 5: All Psychics Want To Be Famous!

There is a certain power to any profession. We live in a culture that values fame, fortune and power. Being psychic, or being in any field that claims to "have answers," tends to attract a lot of attention from others. Some attention is good, other attention is not so good. People today want answers. They want reassurance and validation of their choices and their existence. What you'll find in a true psychic reading are simply the answers that are inside of you. In a true psychic reading, the psychic reads just your energy field and the answers you have displayed there. They do not tell you what you should do or judge you for past mistakes. They objectively show you what IS, and let you decide what to do.

I "came out of the psychic closet" in order to help people. Understanding my energy field has been a tremendous help in understanding my world and my relation to my world. It's been a gift in my life that I want to share with others. I have always been drawn to intuitive arts, and how the health of the energy body reflects in our physical body more than any other thing I've done or studied. This field of self inquiry has been a gift in my life and I simply want to share it with you.

The more I put myself out there and gain new clients, the more energy I have to be able to handle. I am a highly sensitive person, which allows me to do the intuitive work I do so naturally. However, it's a double-edged sword. As I grow into a bigger business, my ability to handle the attention, admiration, questions, concerns, resentment, jealousy and any other energy thrown at me by my clients must grow as well. It requires a lot of personal work, skill growth and meditation for me to keep up with it. Most psychics I know feel the same.

With any amount of power comes responsibility. A responsible psychic is not one who wishes to be famous, but rather to help people. Helping people at a psychic level requires that the psychic be grounded firmly in their own practice of skills and knowledge, and that they monitor their level of business growth equal to the amount of energy they can handle.

Psychic Myth #6: All Psychics Are Fakes and Shouldn't be Trusted

There is a lot of pressure in our culture to laugh at any information that doesn't have a firm foundation in science. However, science itself is simply a belief system. I am a scientist -- and I have two advanced degrees to prove it. But I firmly believe that there are other ways of knowing and understanding the world.

Some psychics are fakes. And unlike tennis pros, it can be harder to tell if a psychic is faking. Trust your gut. If the psychic is playing on your fears rather than reading your whole energy, asking general questions to gain answers, or claiming they see your future clearly, they're probably a fake. If they've done no training and have no skill set or qualifications, they may either be a fake or an amateur without proper training. We all get to have our own thoughts, feelings and opinions about the world. Let your inner voice guidance tell you what is real and truth for you.

Please let me know if you have any questions about this topic or the spiritual world in general. I will answer to the best of my abilities. Like anyone, I am still learning and I do not have anywhere near all the answers! I am having fun on my own journey and through the process of helping others. Thanks for reading.

Releasing the past; right and wrong.

Sometimes, I get in a bit of a funk. Do you ever feel that way? Like something isn't quite right, and you're not sure what it is, but you just feel kinda stuck? I've had that feeling for the last couple of days.

I really don't like having that feeling.

It makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong, because this is what I help people do for a living -- I'm intuitive and should be able to figure things out, immediately, right?

But I'm also human. Thankfully.

This thing that was bringing me down felt arduous, felt heavy like pregnant clouds, but ever out of my reach of understanding. My analytical mind was having a hay-day trying to figure it out.  It's amazing to me the myriad of ridiculous thoughts my analytical mind (ego) can come up with to justify me feeling down. I swear, if the only way of knowing things on this earth was through analyzing them, I'd go crazy.

Luckily, there are other ways of knowing.

Last night, I had a dream that I was being denied access through a gate that lead to this beautiful mountain top. I was being denied access until this person from my past came back and allowed me to move through the gates. I was furious, because I wanted to hike into the beauty of the mountain, to access the healing available there, and to gaze back at the view. I was also furious because I didn't want to wait from this person from the past to catch up to me and to interact with him -- not because I had anything against him, but because I wanted to move forward.  I felt torn -- part of me wanted to just blow through the gates but another part of me was fearful that if I did, something bad would happen.

I woke up with a feeling of unease. It reminded me of the feelings I'd had when I suspected I might get fired that day, or be broken up with, or be reprimanded for something. It was a feeling of failure.

I immediately put on my hiking shoes and drove out to my favorite forested park for a walking meditation. As I started walking, I realized two things that my dream seemed to represent to me. The first was that my past was haunting me and keeping me from enjoying the dreams and aspirations I have for the future. And second, the reason that the past is haunting me is because I've been stuck on ideas or energy in my space that want to affirm that there is a right and wrong way for living in the world.

There have been several instances just this week where counseling others included the spiritual truth that there is no right or wrong in the spiritual world -- there is just our experience. Right and wrong are concepts that our analytical mind create (don't get me wrong, moral judgements can have a place in society, I'm not here debating that).  When we get stuck not wanting to make the "wrong" decision, we are essentially stuck in fear -- fear that if we "do it wrong," something bad will happen and we won't be good enough. Our actions just have consequences, that's it. Some consequences we will like better than others, but essentially it's trial and error, learning and growing.

As I walked through the beautiful, rainy morning, I practiced turning off my analyzing mind of focusing on my breath. As I watched the morning unfold, I had the realization that everyday, nature lets go of the old and moves forward. Sometimes, like during the change of the seasons, letting go takes some time -- leaves dry out, drop, and trees release excess wastes and waters and prepare for the winter. It's a process. Sometimes, it happens quickly -- like during a big storm, when a branch just isn't strong enough and snaps off the tree. Either way, the tree keeps on living and the forest finds a new way to support the change.

Sometimes, letting go of our past takes time. Sometimes it's a process. But the more we keep ourselves within the limited mindset of right and wrong, the longer that process will take. Today I remembered to be gentle with myself, to keep practicing the miracle of being in the present moment and accessing the joy that is found there.